The Legend of ChaoticMUX

as told by LITE

(last updated September, 1998)

Warning: If you are looking for one smidgeon of seriousness or reality about ChaoticMUX, Look Elsewhere!

This is the Legendary History of ChaoticMUX, not the Real-Life History...

First, there was naught. Then, there was Enigma. How Enigma came to be is an extremely good question to which our philosophers would LOVE to know the answer. Popular opinion holds that even Enigma's name is, in fact a mystery, and that 5th century theists gave it the name because it was, in fact, an enigma.

Enigma got bored. Nothingness is quite boring, you know. So, out of sheer boredom, Enigma created a world. It wasn't much of a world. It was small, nondescript and looked alot like a cup of blue and green sorbet, but it was a world. On this world, Enigma created the Great Tree. It wasn't just any tree, but a beautiful specimen of its kind, the very essence of treemanship. (Well, except for the fact that it was yellow with plaid leaves, but that was fixed later.)

Eventually, Enigma had to concede that whilst the Great Tree was a beautiful sight, the rest of the planet was rather.. bare. So, with an effort of will, it created more vegetation: trees, bushes, rocks, mountains. (I bet you never knew that Enigma's first attempt at a mountain was a large mound of fungus? No..? Well, it was. But it's all better now.)

This was all well and good for a while, but there's only so much one can do with a blob of rock or a pretty yellow flower to make it new and interesting, so Enigma created animals. Animals were fun to create and extremely varied in type. However, the possibility must be considered that Enigma was, in fact, incredibly moronic since the birds could not figure out how to fly for a good 200 years at least, and many of the fishes drowned because Enigma had forgotten to give them gills. Eventually, as the years passed, these mistakes were gradually fixed.

Animals were, as I said, lots of fun to create, but they weren't exactly good conversationalists, mainly because at first Enigma failed to give many of them mouths. As time passed, Enigma resolved to make a breed of intelligent animals that would be guaranteed to make good conversation. Enigma took some clay from the earth and a little water from the nearest river and attempted to fashion a likeness of itself. It should be made known that Enigma failed miserably in this endeavor, as the statue did not even REMOTELY resemble Enigma, which is why even today we don't have a very good idea of what Enigma looks like. The lack of resemblance nonwithstanding, Enigma did breathe life into the clay statue and it was thus that Kareila came to be.

As Enigma gazed upon its creation, it suddenly hit itself on the forehead, shouting forth a loud "D'oh!" For, though Kareila was a stunning conversationalist, she could not seem to stay awake for more than 5 minutes. Later, it must be noted, Enigma actually did correct this mistake by creating Coke (tm) in its own image, but since it was such an awkward form for Coke (tm) to take, Enigma later shaped it into the shape of a can. Since then, Kareila seems able to stay awake only if she has a can of Coke (tm) in her hand.

Enigma resolved to try again, creating a companion with a little more energy. And so Enigma crafted another shape of water and clay and breathed life into it and so LITE came to be. Again, Enigma realized that, as a god, it was a total failure when it saw that its newest creation was flighty and hyperactive and had so much energy that Enigma would have to leave the planet to find relief from the little chatterbox who babbled on about spam, birdhouses in peoples' souls and knights with tendencies to say the word "Ni!". It is noted, that in one attempt to get LITE off its tail, Enigma took the rhythms of the heavens, the voices of the stars and the melodies of the spheres, and attempted to put them together into a pleasing sound. It didn't quite work out as intended... but thusly did Enigma create music... and a band known (for no obvious reason) as They Might Be Giants. This diverted the attention of the hyperactive pixie, but had the unfortunate side effect of... well... not only did LITE chatter now, but if he had nothing to say, he'd sing and dance about.

Fed up with its failures, Enigma went on an extended vacation, leaving the planet in the care of LITE and Kareila. Once Enigma was gone, chaos ensued. Using the vast knowledge and powers given to them when Enigma breathed life into them, they bent the environment to their will, creating castles, spaceports, cities, and forests without order or reason.

Actually, the Chaos itself may not have so bad, had not a one in a million freak accident let a strange sorcerer in past the curtains between worlds of the Multiverse. Calling himself Aldar, this strange being took haven in the dark caverns under the mountains. Releasing monsters and demons into what is now known as The Dark Wood, he tried to battle Kareila for control of the planet, but was no match for her and LITE as a team. Aldar assented to only partial control of the planet around his abode and The Dark Wood, but even now it is rumored that Aldar is still trying to find a way to take more power. His artifacts and talismans are legendary - Kareila once made the mistake of looking into one of Aldar's magic mirrors, and saw her evil complement, which thanks to Aldar's magic was given life. Alierak, once rarely seen, has made his presence known by countering Kareila's every move. All the good and kind things Kareila can create, Alierak works to oppose or subvert to his own purposes. The mere mention of his name makes Enigma's children tremble, for he has powers equal to Kareila's own, but harbors no good will toward the inhabitants of the world Enigma created. Yet he refrains from outright destruction, because of his love for Kareila, and her love for him has persuaded him to make his own unique contributions to the world.

A few hundred years later, Enigma came back from vacation, took one look at the chaotic mess, and hit the roof. (Quite literally - I bet you didn't know that Kareila lost the roof of her house when Enigma came back...) Not only had Enigma's children wrought havoc on the planet, but their race had multiplied, creating Cyric, Soreth, Bobby, and zLaNa, and their children had bred and their children until there was an entire small race of these creatures.

Enigma's reaction to this development was to create another clay statue, breathing life into it. Jaena, this latest creation, was much more "normal" than Enigma's previous creations. Extremely friendly and pleasantly conversational, Jaena seemed in every respect to be Enigma's best effort yet. And so, Enigma introduced her to the others and told them to behave more like her. But something went wrong, and instead of the others starting to behave more like this normal child, Jaena became more like THEM, yelling "POOOOOOOOOTY!" at the top of her lungs, dancing around for no reason and being, generally, as fruity as a nutcake.

To make matters worse, the animals (remember them?), having witnessed the general insanity (and inanity) of their so-called rulers, decided to make a creature worthy of leading them. They attempted to bribe the lions into being experimented on, but they wouldn't go, nor would the tigers, elephants, hawks or wolves. Finally, the lemmings, who knew not the concept of fear, stepped up and agreed to be experimented on. Years and years of torturous experimentation resulted in a group of lemmings who seemed to share the same brain. (It should be noted here that the idea for this kind of creature came when an alien species known only as the Borg crash-landed in the middle of the forest... but that's another story.) This group of lemmings became known as the sTiLe continuum. The only thing known about this strange group is that they have powers approximately equal to those of Enigma's children, have no fear (even of death) and that when one of their group dies, another mysteriously appears to take its place.

This sTiLe continuum marched up to the Great Tree, where Enigma sat with its head in its hands (LITE having just given yet ANOTHER rousing performance of "Birdhouse In Your Soul"), and demanded their right to power over the planet. Enigma smote down at least 10 sTiLes and yet they still kept coming.

At this point, having gotten sick of Kareila's addiction to (and subsequent love of) Coke (tm), LITE's inane ramblings, Aldar's megalomaniacal tendencies, Alierak's tendency to spout out totally useless trivia, Jaena's pootyheadedness, and sTiLe's single-minded (literally) attempts to seize power, Enigma threw its hands in the air and declared "I give up! You all win!" and vanished as quickly as it had come. Though Enigma has gone on what appears to be a permanent vacation from this planet, it is said that its creations still have the power to summon it when they are in need. It is pretty obvious, however, that Enigma dislikes its creation and tries to stay AS FAR away from it as it can, for fear of going mad.

And so ends the story, with the moral: "Don't go around creating planets if yer screwed up, because yer creations will be even more screwed up than you are." Amen.

That's LITE's version of the story... you can read Circa's version too.
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Last modified Mon Mar 15 23:56:34 MDT 2010