Professor Trivial: Chapter 1


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[Public] WARNING: Dragon ---> Soreth puts on the Professor Trivial Hat, ready to answer any trivial question.

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Anybody got any trivial questions?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Anybody?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth . o O ( Lagging fools... )

[Public] Elemental Wizard Aldar says, "I have a trivial question!"

[Public] The Robed One Aldar says, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of the ultimate answer of life, the universe and the whales in that goldfish bowl covered with toilet paper, sitting on an iron forge, sally shears, there can be only one Aldar?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth considers...

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "I need some help with this."

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Computer: Search < > References < > Above Spiel < >"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "*Shallow Meditation: "Returning 10003452 files..."*"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Oh, bugger."

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Okay, here's your answer: (Number of licks / 42) + (number of whales / atomic wieght of kryptonite) / (infinity - the number of squares of TP )"

[Public] The Robed One Aldar says, "Yes, but is (Radius of Goldfish bowl * cubic area of universe) / (Gravitational effect of iron + Shapness of shears) a factor of 10003452 files?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Indeedly-doodly. Fortunately, the effects of the iron's resonant magickal waveform are canceled out by the whales. (Assuming, of course, they're singing)"

[Public] The Robed One Aldar says, "So if I hit a whale over the head with the iron while he was signing, he would phase out and I would add 3 purple mana to my mana pool?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "No, we woulnd't phase. You would. You see, the whale's song and the iron are conflicting with each other, and if you actually bean the whale with the iron, you risk a total collapse of the structure of the space/time/other continuum."

[Public] The Robed One Aldar says, "If I take an iron tuning fork and allow the sonic vibrations from the whale's song and allow it to begin an inverse resonance on the tuning fork, then I touch it to some dark matter (other) could I space/ time travel?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Absolutely. If, in fact, you have a way to prevent yourself from becoming space jam, smeared across several billion Wheels of If. Use a hankie tied around a teacup to start the tuning fork."

[Public] The Robed One Aldar says, "Do I need to jumpstart the teacup with a spot of space jam? If so, what flavor?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Actually, I find Duke Green tea works perfectly. Failing that, use Earl Gray or Darjeeling."

[Public] Elemental Wizard Aldar says, "Ok, then help me out on this. I want to space time travel but I don't have everything quite right.... I have a soiled kleenex, a thermos from starbucks, a pan galactic gargleblaster, and a tuning fork made of swiss cheese. And the whale swallowed a bowl of petunias and can only sing "My country tis of thee" with a rap accompanyment. Will this still work?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Yes. Feed the whale the tuning fork (you may have to threaten him with the Starbucks) and then wait approxomately five seconds. Pour the PGGB down his blowhole and then drink the starbucks. Place the kleenex above the blowhole, tap your heels three times, and yell 'Splunge!'. You may also wish to wear protective clothing."

[Public] The Robed One Aldar says, "Thank you Mr. Trivial! I'll tell you how it worked when I get back."

[Public] The Robed One Aldar .......... *crunch* SQEUAAAAKKKKKK ... glickgluckglug BOOOOM ... ffffppttt.. tap...tap...tap..."Spluuuunmngjaaaaaaeooooo....S ... *bbzbzbzsssszszszssvvsvsvsvsvsvsvssjhfjkhsjfskdf*** **POP**

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth takes off the Professor Trivial Hat, giving up on answering your questions.

[Public] In The Eye Of The Paradox, Soreth says, "Will we ever see him again, Shallow?"

[Public] In The Eye Of The Paradox, Soreth says, "*Shallow Meditation: "Probably not. Care for a game of quake?"*"

[Public] In The Eye Of The Paradox, Soreth says, "Okay. But you only get ONE guy, okay? Not 13 hundred like last time."

[Public] In The Eye Of The Paradox, Soreth says, "*Shallow Meditation: "Of course."*"


[Public] Acrophobia Looser Poseidon says, "Poseidon volat in piscina et incuit 'Eos volat!!! Eos volat!!!'"

[Public] #-1 PLAYER DOES NOT EXIST. Soreth puts on the Professor Trivial Hat, ready to answer any trivial question.

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Okay, anybody got any pointless questions? And, btw, I don't do homework problems."

[Public] For some reason, Alierak says, "Professor Trivial, what is Poseidon trying to tell us?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "He does the nasty with fish every full moon."

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "Professor Trivial, what is the millionth billionth trillionth digit of Pi?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "6"

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "thanks"

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila scribbles it on her homework

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "No problem. That wasn't for...bugger."

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "I meant 97, by the way."

[Public] Colorific Poseidon says, "Translated: Poseidon flys into the fishpond and says 'I can fly!!! I can fly!!'"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "No, you said that you do the nasty with fish every full moon."

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "I wear the hat, after all. Who would =you= rather trust?"

[Public] Titanic Lover Poseidon snatches the hat from Soreth

[Public] Liam says, "Professor Trivial, where'd my elbow go?"

[Public] Colorific Poseidon grinz

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Well, I'd say that offhand, it's being used to club Poseidon right now."

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth beats Poseidon with Liam's elbow.

[Public] Er.. Umm.. Ack! Poseidon tehehes

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth snatches the hat back.

[Public] Liam says, "AAAUUUGGG! There it is!"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth gives Liam back his elbow.

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "Professor Trivial, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "I asked the Oracle and he zotted me."

[Public] Liam glues his elbow back on.

[Public] Professor Intuitive Alierak says, "it's obvious, dear."

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila gasps in horror. Not Professor INTUITIVE!

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Let b = The number of boards the mongols would hoard if the mongol hordes got bored. Let w = the amount of wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood. w = ( b / pi)^42"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth eyes the competition warily.

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila plays the Mortal Kombat theme

[Public] YAM! zLaNa says, "Professor Trivial, whats the distance between mercury and pluto times pi plus the number of notes in row row row your boat?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "*Shallow Meditation: "I believe he may have you there, master..."*"

[Public] Professor Intuitive Alierak says, "what units do you want the distance in?"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Twelve minus the number of Elvis sightings on Mercury."

[Public] YAM! zLaNa says, "millimeters"

[Public] Liam sits and waits for the holy war to start.

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Oh, and that's in grimlicks."

[Public] Er.. Umm.. Ack! Poseidon says, "Soreth est magnus stercus. Soreth in arborem ascendet. Soreth adhuc in arborem sedent timerarius. Soreth e arborem cadit. Poseidon fragorem audit et clamat, 'HA!' Translated: Soreth is a big shi*. Soreth climbs into a tree. Soreth still sits terified in the tree. Soreth falls out of the tree. Poseidon hears the crash and yells, 'HA!'"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Hey rak, can you stand on top of this whale?"

[Public] For some reason, Alierak gives up

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth hits an iron tuning fork against the whale and then forces it to eat a hunk of cheddar cheese.

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "oh, go ahead, stand on the whale. what could it hurt?"

[Public] For some reason, Alierak dunnos

[Public] Liam says, "hehs."

[Public] YAM! zLaNa says, "the whale, if he wears heels"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "*Shallow Meditation: "Actually, you don't... *MURPH*"*"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Shut uP!"

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "not the last time I checked, zlana ;)"

[Public] YAM! zLaNa says, "ok"

[Public] For some reason, Alierak gets Kenny to stand on the whale instead

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila lol

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila waits for it...

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth throws a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster into teh whale's blowhole, and makes Kenny shout 'Mmmmmpppmmmm'

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth watches the universe fold around the whale and Kenny. "They go on to a better place. Planet Playtex of the Stewardesses, to be exact."

[Public] For some reason, Alierak says, "Omigod, They @#$%ed Kenny! You Bastards!"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Right. Any other questions?"

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "well, "Oh my God! Soreth sent Kenny to an alternate dimension!" doesn't have the right ring to it."

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "just one more: can I quote you on this? :)"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "Absolutely."

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "thanks Prof. Trivial. you're my hero."


[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth says, "There is no Soreth! Only Professor Trivial! BWA-HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAAHAHAHAHA *SLAP*"

[Public] Professor Trivial, Soreth takes off the Professor Trivial Hat, giving up on answering your questions.

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "Garg."

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila Exorcises the demon hat.

[Public] You Don't Know JACK! LITE says, "Soreth, maybe it's time to retire as Professor Trivial?"

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "We needs it, my precioussss... We wants it! We needs the hatssesss, my preciousss... It's our birthday present!"

[Public] Incadescent LITE grabs the hat!

[Public] The *NOT CUTE* LITE puts it on and turns invisble!

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila lol

[Public] The *NOT CUTE* LITE walks away...

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "We hates it! We hates it forever, the LITSES!"

[Public] Day LITE would say thank you but is afraid of being attacked by an angry Dragon-Gollum

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "We'll sqeeuze it until it pops!"

[Public] A Daydream Believer, zLaNa says, "soreth. get help. fast."

[Public] Cookie Monster wannabe LITE grabs a laaaaaarge neeedle

[Public] Trouble Maker LITE flies towards Soreth....

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth . o O (Stay tuned kids, for my fantastic dive into Mt. Doom with the One Hat)

[Public] The Magickal Mystical LITE says, "U dun have the One Hat. *I* do!"

[Public] ChaoticMUX's Official Typo LITE uh ohs n spoke

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila sics the Balrog on Soreth.

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "Well, yah. But, my preciousss, we'll get it back!"

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth looks up. "Oh, a demon of fire. Not again."

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE puts on the hat

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE is ready to answer all your pathetic trivial problems

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth eats the Balrog. We got some advantages over Gollum, y'know.

[Public] A Daydream Believer, zLaNa gives soreth a _new_ hat with a pretty little bird, a couple of pipe cleeners fer antenae and a purple siren that says "pooooOOOOOOoooty!"

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth looks blankly at the new hat.... and then sees LITE.

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE ducks behind a birdhouse

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "The traitorous LITESES! We'll kill it, my preciouss!"

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE says, "I will answer any of your pathetic trivial questions. Anyone got a question?"

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "no"

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "It'ss got a needle, my precious. It could stab usss, it could. But we could eat it first..."

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE Stabs the hat..over n over n ovber

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "Give usss our *GOLLUM* Present back!"

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE sews the hat into a little sail boat

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "aw, how cute"

[Public] A Daydream Believer, zLaNa giggles

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE flies to Darien lake and pushes the hat/sailboat off

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila grins

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth leaps for the hat/boat

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE hits Soreth with a frying pan!

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila says, "that's gotta hurt"

[Public] *KONG!!!*

[Public] A Daydream Believer, zLaNa hehe

[Public] Oh my GOD! NO! Its ... WalksInShadows takes advantage of the Chaos to occupy and abuse the Shire...

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth vibrates rapidly, with a shortened snout.

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE says, "No Nose is Good Nose ;)"

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "WArgh... By node!"

[Public] Professor Trivial Wanna-be LITE watches the hat sail offf

[Public] #-1 GIMME COOKIE! LITE says, "Lalalalalaa..the evil hat of Trivialness is gone!"

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "He broke by node!"

[Public] FLASH LITE turns soreth's node into an ANTINode!

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth says, "Bab bixie! Bab! Yarg!"

[Public] Gotta Love Me! LITE watches Soreth vibrate with the best of them..

[Public] Perditos O Homines! Soreth hits LITE with his forehead in the classic, time-honored fashion.... On the bridge of the nose.

[Public] The Social Wiz LITE says, "OY! MY BRAIN 'URTSD!"

[Public] How do you KNOW he is a Witch? LITE drags the hat out of the water

[Public] Turn on Your Love LITE puts it in a pocket and may find this handy later..

[Public] Mad Shell Scientist Kareila chuckles

[Public] A Daydream Believer, zLaNa watches a fishie jump outta the soggy hat and flop away


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